Why 50/50 Doesn't Work: A New Model for Happier Relationships
#43: Relationship experts Kaley and Nate Klemp, Ph.D., join Chris and his wife Amy to discuss how to create balance in a relationship. They explore why perfect equality is unrealistic, why you shouldn’t aim for fairness, how to share feedback with your partner without it turning into a fight, and how to sustainably maintain a life of radical generosity.
Kaley and Nate Klemp are co-authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for A Happier, Stronger Relationship. It has been named as the Editor’s Choice pick by the New York Times. Kaley Klemp is a leadership development expert and Nate Klemp is a writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur who co-authored a New York Times Bestseller titled Start Here: Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing.
Selected Links From The Episode
Connect with Kaley and Nate Klemp:
Nir Eyal: Becoming Indistractable: Book | All the Hacks Ep 25
Full Show Notes
Who are Kaley and Nate Klemp? (00:11)
The evolution from 80/20 to 80/80 marriages (01:49)
Why are equal relationships are hard to attain? (04:14)
How striving for fairness causes resentment. (05:56)
How people from different backgrounds may experience marriage differently. (09:08)
How you can be radically generous in your marriage. (10:40)
How appreciation can be built into your routines. (15:44)
Is it disingenuous to schedule in time to appreciate your partner? (17:21)
Making the 80/80 standard work when you and your partner have different values. (18:29)
How couples can win together with money. (22:41)
Tools you can use to create balance in your relationship. (26:51)
How do responsibilities in your marriage change as life changes? (31:13)
Uncommon things to outsource that can help family life. (33:52)
The life report card exercise (why you might want to intentionally fail). (39:13)
How to sustain radical generosity when you’ve forgotten about it. (40:33)
What to do when technology is distracting you from quality time with your partner. (43:42)
How delaying things can help you do more. (50:37)
Getting on the same page as your partner. (51:57)
An unusual way to share feedback with your partner without frustrating them. (57:24)
Overdoing radical generosity in a marriage (and why it’s not then 100/100 marriage). (1:01:16)
Tactics you can use for having meaningful intimate time beyond sex-enhancing gimmicks. (1:02:47)
Using mindfulness to stay open-minded. (1:08:07)
How relationships themselves can be a hack. (1:09:44)
Using the 80/80 rule to improve your non-romantic relationships. (1:10:19)
How to keep up with Kaley and Nate Klemp online. (1:11:53)
Date recommendations from marriage experts. (1:12:43)
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