Feb. 16, 2022

Why 50/50 Doesn't Work: A New Model for Happier Relationships

#43: Relationship experts Kaley and Nate Klemp, Ph.D.,  join Chris and his wife Amy to discuss how to create balance in a relationship. They explore why perfect equality is unrealistic, why you shouldn’t aim for fairness, how to share feedback with your partner without it turning into a fight, and how to sustainably maintain a life of radical generosity. 

Kaley and Nate Klemp are co-authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for A Happier, Stronger Relationship. It has been named as the Editor’s Choice pick by the New York Times. Kaley Klemp is a leadership development expert and Nate Klemp is a writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur who co-authored a New York Times Bestseller titled Start Here: Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing


Selected Links From The Episode

Connect with Kaley and Nate Klemp:

Nir Eyal: Becoming Indistractable: Book | All the Hacks Ep 25


Full Show Notes

Who are Kaley and Nate Klemp? (00:11)

The evolution from 80/20 to 80/80 marriages (01:49)

Why are equal relationships are hard to attain? (04:14)

How striving for fairness causes resentment. (05:56)

How people from different backgrounds may experience marriage differently. (09:08)

How you can be radically generous in your marriage. (10:40)

How appreciation can be built into your routines. (15:44)

Is it disingenuous to schedule in time to appreciate your partner? (17:21)

Making the 80/80 standard work when you and your partner have different values. (18:29)

How couples can win together with money. (22:41)

Tools you can use to create balance in your relationship. (26:51)

How do responsibilities in your marriage change as life changes? (31:13)

Uncommon things to outsource that can help family life. (33:52)

The life report card exercise (why you might want to intentionally fail). (39:13)

How to sustain radical generosity when you’ve forgotten about it.  (40:33)

What to do when technology is distracting you from quality time with your partner. (43:42)

How delaying things can help you do more. (50:37)

Getting on the same page as your partner. (51:57)

An unusual way to share feedback with your partner without frustrating them. (57:24)

Overdoing radical generosity in a marriage (and why it’s not then 100/100 marriage). (1:01:16)

Tactics you can use for having meaningful intimate time beyond sex-enhancing gimmicks. (1:02:47)

Using mindfulness to stay open-minded. (1:08:07)

How relationships themselves can be a hack. (1:09:44)

Using the 80/80 rule to improve your non-romantic relationships. (1:10:19)

How to keep up with Kaley and Nate Klemp online. (1:11:53)

Date recommendations from marriage experts. (1:12:43)




This episode is brought to you by BlockFi. If you're interested in Crypto, BlockFi is one of the best ways to get started, letting you easily buy, sell and store your crypto assets. After signing up and linking your bank account, you can instantly trade a variety of cryptocurrencies and store them all in a secure wallet that lets you control and transfer your holdings however you want. You can also set up recurring transfers so you can dollar cost average your crypto investments over time.

Or if you want another way to put your crypto investing on autopilot, there's the BlockFi Crypto Rewards Credit Card. While 1.5% cash back isn't the best in the market, that cash back is automatically invested into Bitcoin, Ethereum or whatever cryptocurrency you want. If you want to check out BlockFi, you can get an exclusive bonus of up to $250 free when you sign at https://allthehacks.com/blockfi


Connect with All the Hacks

All the Hacks: Newsletter | Website | Facebook | Email

Chris Hutchins: Twitter | Instagram | Website | LinkedIn